I was at my cousin's place for the weekend and I happened to fall in an argument with her (or call it a debate) as to whether love exists or not. It all started from my declaration of my favorite all-time film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Wondering why that film was my favorite film- she asked what makes that film so special, to which I answered with a recurring statement- 'the film describes love in the best way possible'.
Then it begun. All kind of questions were thrown into the debate basket- does love exist? or is it just a negotiation between two people? what is idealism? what is realism? does the current system of this world work? do we need currency in our lives? Even though I'm not a natural debater to express everything to her outright at the midst of my other cousin (her brother) slamming his book and packing his stationaries unable to bear with our argument at the dinner table, now I'm taking time to analyse each of these arguments, and in many senses, try to re-affirm my beliefs to what she thinks is only a form of 'idealism' as opposed to her 'realism'.
1. Love, yes or no?
Well, any arguments or debates in this world wouldn't get better than this. Does love exist? Probably one of the most famous questions in the world over. Her argument is that love doesn't exist and happy marriages are made on the basis of a well-negotiated agreement, or to put it more succinctly, it is an arranged compromise. She asked me to deliver solid proof that love exists, but for sure, for a person who dismissed the notion of love itself, every instances of love would instead look like a mere 'negotiated arrangement'. Once you are able to put yourself into the shoes of a conspiracy theorist, then it would be very hard to break the mold of looking at every pretext in the way they would want to look at it. Lust exists, attraction exists, infatuation exists, but love doesn't exist. The simple truth is when lust, attraction, and infatuation are all molded into one at a particular time conspiring with your age, your personal satisfaction, and your spiritual faith- that is when love knocks on your door. That is when her other argument comes into motion- that love, unlike sadness or anger or happiness, is not an emotion that could be shown for the obvious to witness. As I have always described, love is 'infinite'- you can't cap an obvious emotion to it- it literally makes you do everything- from every hook to crook, from banging your head on a wall to becoming oblivious to what the person next to you is saying. And for someone who chooses to not believe and blind themselves off, then every move of love will have some other name. Love for parents shall become respect, love for someone shall become attraction, love in a relationship shall become infatuation, love during marriage will become a negotiated compromise, and everything around it. As simply as I had put it to her, she has not experienced love before, so it would hard to describe about it someone who do not know the depth of such a feeling. Love is the wheel of our lives- and it is from this immense feeling stems respect, infatuation, attraction, and even the perceived agreements. Love is the whole idea which branches to all of our emotions and feelings, and I would always put it generally, Love is God for our emotions. And if she does not she the master emotion of all our emotions, it would be hard to provide solid, eye-meeting proof to her that love exists. The best I could ever do to prove to her is by showing her that love exists in my life and I have used it as the wheel to make a better person.
And thus, we have a bet on our shores now, ten years down the road, the only way I would prove to her that love exists is by publicly declaring my love for my future gf/wife to demonstrate the existence of complete love in my life.
2. The frame of idealism and realism (absolute)
Everybody's reality differs from each other. My cousin thinks that her mind frame exists within the sphere of realism while my believe in love and the the superficial elements of life basically renders (in her view) me in a sphere of only idealism. My argument is a simple, yet subjective statement- that nothing is absolute. Thus, I firmly dismissed the notion that she lives in a reality while I live in a certain idealism that doesn't exist (yet, which I have to prove to her- see the bet above). As much as she refuses to believe to believe that my view of the world forms a concrete reality- I too refuse to believe her love-absent reality is concrete reality. Thus, her realism shall remain an idealism and my idealism shall remain my idealism, till I show her that my idealism blends well with reality. But as I have told her- the point of living life in its very essence is about making those journeys, reaching those goals, building great relationships, and to ultimately fulfill your potential and contribute back to the world as much as you can- financially or spiritually. And I firmly believe that my idealism would be able to help me make the complete journey of fulfilling my journey and finding the ultimate purpose of my life. That said, an idealism that brings you places and makes you somebody important can't possibly be dismissed from the notion of reality?
Once again, its up to me to prove it, as much as it is up to her to prove her idealism at the moment really is a part of concrete reality.
3. System works?
My most radical question, my most radical thought, on which 70 out of 100 people, or even more, would disagree with me- our system is flawed. Our living system. The way in which we have created our society which at the end of the day creates a certain routine in which people have the tendency to follow. When you are children- worry about your manners, and later your studies. When you are a teenager- worry about your academic achievements, and when you are an adult- toil hard in order to gain recognition and be a successful and rich person. And this does not end there- there are loads of questions that you have to ask about our systems- there's homosexuality, there's prostitution, there's poverty, there's porn, there's terrorism, there's robbery, there's infidelity, there's incest, there's rape- all elements that break the convictions of morale that our systems had told us to live within. You create a system, you create a law, and then you break and corrupt that very law- bribery, corruption, politics, and all kind of retention comes into play here- countless. It is one thing to break the law entirely, but we have found it convenient enough to accomodate ourselves into a grey area that ends up ruining both ends of the blade. We refuse to ask questions, we turn into hypocrites and cynical people who round off with the mentality of 'If he's doing it, why shoudn't I?' and we forget to ask questions as to why such a design is happening at the first place. And we find it convenient to blame God. She argued that those suffering from poverty just have to work harder to reach the pinnacle of life, but I do not extensively believe what our systems render to us in this regular world represents the real purpose of life. Life is not about being rich, and successful. Life is not only about looking good with your property and well-being and have other people look highly upon you. From Marxist theories to Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev's description of poverty, it is probably high time we all know we have a flawed system. Admittedly neither me or her have travelled the world and have seen enough to talk about the global systems, as I have a mindset that man's reasoning of creating currency is flawed, while she believes men can't live in the barter system forever and the current system works just fine.
But I would nail it down to say our system is flawed, its everywhere to see, cynicism and hypocrisy seem to be hiding under every blanket every put up for reasoning in this world today. Whether the system is entirely flawed or not is up to debate, though one reality here is that we have allowed the system to overwhelm us so much that we become slaves to it, that now it seems larger-than-life for us. And we have become dependent on it.
4. Luck
One thing that we did agree about though was luck. That luck doesn't exist. Its understandable on her side due to her devoid of any belief in the superficial while for someone who believes in essential spiritualism like me, it may come across as a surprise. I have made it a point not to to say 'good luck' while wishin anyone well, instead I would say 'all the best'. My theory regarding luck is complex yet simple, which brings us back to the frame of relaity and idealism. Luck, on the other hand, is a much more universally approved virtue compared to love, thus it becomes much more part of the general concerete reality. But, the simple truth is- luck makes you feel undeserving your success, makes you feel berated down by a power above you when you stare at defeat, and also makes you feel you are just a better design of the God in comparison to others, because you are born with luck. Again, whether luck actually exists or not, I would again distance myself from being absolute about anything- but life in transformed on the basis of faith, and I would simply say- choose to believe not in luck but rather in yourself. Believe that if you have won, you have deserved it, believe that if you have lost, you have not done good enough, and believe that if you are born with a silver spoon, there is a reason for it and you need to contribute back to the people around you, and to the world. That is how you transform the world.
By not believing in luck.
5. Hope is a blindfold to reality
Her one statement that I missed arguing on while I should have. Hope is a blindfold to reality. What I have so often be perplexed about is- why is reality always has to be a form of pessimism? Reality don't raise your spirits, and maybe its true enough that hope is nothing more than a blindfold- but that blindfold transforms the world, a blindfold that gives you a new sense of purpose. I would reverse myself to the basic argument again that reality is not absolute. If you prefer to see reality as the harsh side that it has, that is more often that not regarded as 'the reality' in today's world. There is always an option, to look at the bright side, because reality, if you look far and deep enough, will always have a spot for optimism. This is in no way blinding ourselves to reality. Hope is not a blindfold to reality. It is instead a point passes reality and chooses to believe in a certain end of reality that refreshes the soul, the heart and the mind. Hope is something that is attained after the so-called reality (or I call it simply pessimism) is viewed but was chosen not to be believed in. You can always choose to believe in what you want.
And again, if what you choose to believe has taken you to the right place, it can't possibly be a choice that is derived from a blindfold.
6. Life's compass
Heart or brain? Which is life's compass. While she believes that life's compass is ultimately the brain, I believe it is ultimately the heart, but if someone would come in and say both heart and brain play equal roles in it, then I would have little trouble in agreeing with him/her as I did not rule out the role of the mind, but since she did rule out the role of the heart, she will have to take a big step to believe.
It is easy not to believe in the superficial, but life is never as complicated when you have your faith.
Ram Anand.
March 2009.
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